Don’t be a London

one of many

When I say “London”, I am not talking about the high net worth individuals, as one would imagine. A person, who has had the luxury of a private education, is employed in a white collar job and lives in an urban area, it is a 3rd world migrant. Let’s call him “London” for easier reference, hereafter.

London proudly flaunts his expensive smartphone, which, by the way, he uses only to make phone calls and check WhatsApp or Facebook. He affords a £50 monthly 3G plan to keep his phone smart. Yet when the railway budget announces a passenger fee hike of £1.20, he is up in arms with his armchair brigade, passionately debating the ills of inflation.

Interestingly, London obtains this information from a shared WhatsApp message, requesting to be shared further to spread the anti-government word. Funny as it is, London last travelled by train 10 years back. But London feels obliged to rebel against such a fascist fee hike.  London pays taxes. He often confuses it with charity.

London is educated, and thus by self-implication, the voice of the voiceless. He is entitled to have an opinion on everything—credibility or the inadequacy of his information notwithstanding. London calls this freedom of speech. He read it on Facebook that the constitution provides for such a liberty. London has never read the constitution though. He doesn’t need to because Facebook is his courtroom, where he is the judge, jury and executioner. This is the hypocrisy of the 3rd world migrant.

London owns a car and dreams of buying another one—a bigger one. London hates using public transport, and carpooling is beneath his paygrade. His city has the twin problem of traffic and pollution. But it is not London’s fault. Ironically, London blames it on the poor public transport system, which he loathes in the first place. London says so because he wants others to use public transport, while he can comfortably commute in his air-conditioned car. This is the hypocrisy of the 3rd world migrant.

London pays taxes. He often confuses it with charity. In return, London wants every public service at his beck and call, without his participation of course. He wants the road in front of his house to be cleaned every day, by “those” people, who he argues, are paid by his generous charity. He demands the removal of class divide, yet considers “manual scavenging” suitable for only “those” people. He fervidly bats for equality, while keeping separate utensils for his servant.

London wants an instant gas connection. He also wants the subsidy with it, which he is not supposed to take. But London corrects his moral compass by telling himself that if not for him, then another London will take the subsidy. So why not him? Fair point, albeit in a distorted way. London then comments on how successive governments have failed to effectively reduce poverty. This is the hypocrisy of the 3rd world migrant.

London has now become an 1st world migrant. That’s a whole level above 3rd world. London obtains a subsidised college education. He then moves abroad for higher education. London finds a job, and by the sheer determination of his intent, manages to settle there. London works for an office. London teaches at UCL, and talks about the lack of a 3rd world UCL. London has now become an 1st world migrant. That’s a whole level above 3rd world.

London now opines in fluent English, about the substandard level of the 3rd world education system. He specifically points out how no 3rd world university is in the top 100 while his overpriced graduate school is.

London talks at length about the flawless “system” of his adopted country, but conveniently chooses to ignore the secondary treatment he is meted out by that very system. London picks up an accent, to imply that he has lost connect with the 3rd world. It is his mechanism of upward racial mobility.

London visits the 3rd world. He is now perturbed by the hot and humid weather, the poverty, filth and putrid smell, that he all of a sudden has become aware of. Or maybe because other white men say so, and hence, London should act the part properly, that is of a condescending 1st world migrant.

Back home in 3rd world, London wants to give back to the society. London buys a DSLR to take pictures of stunted, naked street kids. He calls himself a social activist. More the naked kids, more the activism. London gets to know about [Insert issue here] All of a sudden, he swells with extreme patriotism. London immediately picks up a broom, clicks a selfie, and posts it on Facebook to show support. Job done. Phew.

Meanwhile, he also takes the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Later that day, London’s girlfriend invites him to take part in a candle march, without giving a reason. London also puts up a WhatsApp status. London is a true patriot.

London’s latest concern is corruption. Everybody is talking about it. One of his mates even became a minister just by talking about it. One time, London gets pulled over for over-speeding. London asks the traffic police, if they know who his father is? They don’t, but accept a “token” money from London to let him go. London zooms past, and immediately calls his friend while driving (which itself is an offense).

First, he brags about how he bribed low level police official and then goes on to lament, about how the country is going to the dogs, because of corruption. This is the hypocrisy of the 3rd world migrant.

Don’t be a London.

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